Magic Mike XXL (0/10)

by Tony Medley

Runtime 115 minutes, but it was too long at the 5 minute mark.

Not for children.

I’ve got a little list, a society of films that I’ve added to Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell, a Tenth Circle reserved for those filmmakers who deserve this ultimate punishment. And the punishment is that those unfortunates are condemned to watching these films on a loop over and over again for all eternity. Magic Mike XXL is the first film to be added to the list in several years.

This is the kind of movie that makes one yearn never to enter another movie theater. It is tedious, dull, mentally incapacitating, filled with F-bombs, and has no redeeming value whatsoever. It’s yet another movie with Channing Tatum, an actor so deficient that in comparison he makes bumbling Ultimate Fighting Champion Ronda Rousey (Entourage) look like Helen Mirren. The “Magic” in this film is that Tatum has made it as a “movie star.” What’s worse is that it’s filled with Channing Tatum-wannabes. If that’s not enough to turn you off, I can’t help you.

There is no plot, just a bunch of sleazeball hunks bonding…and bonding…and bonding. Hey, what a great idea! I’m sure there are at least three people in the world to which this will appeal.

Apparently Tatum, who produced, thought that seeing a bunch of well-proportioned men bumping and grinding would appeal to women. God knows I’m no expert on what appeals to women, but I’m extremely dubious that this film will appeal to them, and there’s certainly nothing in it for men.

The story is sheer fantasy, the script mind-numbing, the pace non-existent. The original idea was based on Tatum’s own life, going from a male exotic dancer to Hollywood. This film has his character going from running a good business back to being an exotic dancer. One could only hope that Tatum will take his own advice.