Captain America: Civil War (5/10)

by Tony Medley

Runtime 146 minutes.

Not for children.

I was really dreading sitting through this thing, especially when I learned it was well over two hours long. However, it wasn’t as painful as I had imagined, mainly due to the special effects and the pace. Of course there is no acting, it’s just one ridiculous fight after another between and among people who are more or less invulnerable, ad infinitum.

The plot, if you can really believe that anything made for the sole and only purpose of displaying special effects has a plot, is that the Avengers are asked to sign some kind of agreement saying that they will not “avenge” unless authorized by some higher governmental authority. Some agree; some don’t. The result is that they eventually face off against one another.

I confess I really don’t know the players here. I haven’t seen all these, and I stopped reading comic books shortly after I reached the age of reason, so I’m definitely not the audience for this type of thing.

I saw the first one and now this one. I missed the one(s?) in between, thank goodness. But I’m really not familiar with all these superhero characters, so I didn’t try to follow who was who and what exactly were their powers, or anything else that might imply that there was some logic to it.

Even the evil people are treated sympathetically, with some sort of justification for the actions they take. It’s got all the usual suspects, Robert Downey, Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, etc., etc. None is asked to act, just recite their lines and hit their marks. They all accomplish that sometimes as if they were in a trance.

The budget for this thing was only $175 million. I say “only” because the projected budget for the upcoming two-part The Avengers: Infinity War is reported by “Bleeding Cool” to be $1 billion! Robert Downey, Jr. is reported to be receiving half of the budget set aside for actors, which explains why he sacrifices his talent and reputation in something like this.

This is a stark example of what movies have become, which is intellectual diarrhea. Can you imagine Clark Gable or Spencer Tracy or Cary Grant playing one of these superheroes? Clark Gable in a cape? Cary Grant in tights? But, get used to it. This junk makes money. There are nine, count them, nine superhero movies in line to be made between now and 2019.

If you like this sort of thing, then this is a good one.

I don’t.