Miss March (0/10)
by Tony Medley
It was awesome, Dude! Like I’m sitting there
reading the Production Notes and these two dudes who wrote this thing
are quoted saying things like, “…we were like, ‘Well, that’s Horsedick,’”
and “…I’m nine times out of 10 like, ‘There it is,’” and “I’m like, ‘I
don’t know which cup I like.’” Mfer, that’s like, the way all us dudes
talk. And I’m like sitting there and seeing all these like laugh dudes
walk in and I’m like saying “Dude, I hope this isn’t so bad like they
need to hire these laugh dudes,” but, like, Dude, there they were and
all and this flick needed them so bad they changed seats several times
during the screening, I guess to like spread the laughter around.
Dude, this treats sex
the same way most of us hot high school types treat it. Like we don’t
know much about it, but like all these chicks have big boobs and the
language is like the way all us high school intellect dudes think is
awesome, you know, like using c--k and d--k for the male member, and
using it a lot, maybe in every sentence, and “mfer” all the time and
like talking about bagging every chick we can, and just generally
talking and acting like rappers.
know, like demeaning women and all that.
Like this is such an awesome movie, Dude. Like
it starts with this high school dude and his chick talking about
abstinence and the movie makes them look like stupid d--ks. Dude, anyone
who tries to talk about abstinence won’t make it in a
Hollywood film or with us high
school intellect dudes. Like who are you kidding, Dude? You gotta like
make fun of them.
And, Dude, this film has Hugh Hefner. Like
this is the dude who started it all. He never wears anything but a robe
and lives in this mansion full of chicks who run around topless and have
sex all the time. That’s the way all us dudes want to live, Dude. All the
chicks have big boobs and let them all hang out. And this movie is so
awesome, Dude, that it has Hef lecture the most awesome dude in the
film, Tucker Cleigh (Trevor Moore), about relationships, and it’s
awesome what Hef, who has never had a relationship that worked in his
life, telling Tucker what it’s all about.
And like this film shows that when any chick
actually talks to one of us dudes, like we are all tongue-tied and all.
Like who thinks a chick would ever want to talk? It’s scary, Dude, but
this movie captures all that.
Dude, Moore and Zach Cregger, who plays Eugene
Bell, wrote, directed and starred in the film. These dudes are in the
mold of Judd Apatow in that their only purpose seems to be to coarsen
society, use gutter language, and appeal to the lowest intellect
possible. That’s awesome, Dude. Judd would really be proud of them,
Dude, because there’s a running poop joke throughout the film that is
graphic and gross! That’s awesome, too, Dude.
PS. Like before I left the theater, I asked
the young 20-something couple sitting next to me if they liked it, just
to see if my reaction was generational. Neither did. Like they are both