Mean Girls (2/10)

by Tony Medley

107 minutes

R.

There have been very few remakes that were better, or even as good, as the original. All the “A Star is Born” films have been exceptionally good, telling the same story. “High Society” (1956) was better than the excellent “Philadelphia Story” (1940). Like “High Society,” this remake of the 2004 original is a musical (it played on Broadway 2018-20).

However, unlike ‘”Society,’ the music is not by a supreme talent like Cole Porter, and it shows. It is emblematic of what has happened to music in recent generations. As I have said before, lacking are melody and memorable lyrics. And what is music without them?

This is exactly the same story as 2004, although apparently intended to be updated to reflect the eidos of 2024. Cady Heron (Angourie Rice) has been home schooled by her parents in Africa. They’ve moved to the U.S., and she has to go to high school for the first time. There she meets “The Plastics,” three beautiful girls who dominate the class, headed by Regina George (Reneé Rapp), who is the trendsetter. Her sidekicks, Gretchen (Bebe Wood) and Karen (Avantika), are arrogant around others but subservient to Regina. They accept Cady into their clique. But Cady gets a crush on Regina’s boyfriend, Aaron Samuels (Christopher Briney), a hunk who is also a nice guy. Cady wants him but Regina’s got him. And thus starts the plot as Cady schemes with her two nerdy friends, art students Janis (Auli’I Cravalho) and Damian (Jaquel Spivey), to bring down The Plastics, even though she’s one of them, and get Aaron for herself.

What follows is a tawdry, phantasmagoria of what is supposed to represent present day high school. Alas, these students make the students Glenn Ford had to face in “Blackboard Jungle” (1955) seem like choir boys. There is not one character in the film that is either admirable or remotely like normal people.

The original was loaded with talent; Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Amanda Seyfried, Amy Poehler, as the actresses, directed by Mark Waters. For McAdams and Seyfried they were breakout roles. And the script by Tina Fey and Rosalind Wiseman was brilliant. Fey wrote this one by herself. Either she has lost it, or she misses Wiseman because this script is unfunny and fatuous. The movie is so off-the-wall, it is an insult to the original.

Even though it is apparently intended as a satire, there is a fine line between satire and ridiculous nonsense. The original did not cross that line. This one goes way over it. It is filled with woke casting and represents an extremely low moral tone. I would give this a zero, but my assistant, who also detested the film, prevailed upon me that it should be worth a 2. I agreed because the color is excellent, and Rapp gives a good performance.