Shoot ‘Em Up (0/10)
by Tony Medley
Although Clive Owen has
been in some of the worst films I’ve had to sit through, I’ve liked him.
I thought he should have been the new James Bond, rather than that guy
of dubious sexuality. But I’m beginning to think that maybe there’s a
connect between the bad films and the actor, especially after seeing
this odious outing.
revolting, sadistic, and pointless” were the words my friend used to
describe her reaction when we left the theater. Those words are apt for
this dark, worthless excursion into violence perpetrated upon the
theater-going public by writer-director Michael Davis.
I’d like to give Davis the
benefit of the doubt and say that he might have been trying to make a
satire commenting on action films that abound in bullets and mayhem. But
he won’t have any of that, saying that he views the film as a
“Blue-collar James Bond movie.” So much for trying to give the film the
best of it.
This is a film where you
will see a character suckling a lactating Donna Quintana (Monica
Bellucci), and come away with milk on his face, where the main bad guy,
Herz (Paul Giamatti) fondles the breast of a corpse and gets off on it,
and, of course, where millions and millions of bullets fly all over the
There is neither rhyme nor
reason as to what’s going on or why, although there is a meager attempt
at an explanation. It is unremittingly violent. At one point Herz breaks
the fingers of Mr. Smith (Owen) one at a time. I thought that this was
put in to be humorous as Mr. Smith then has to shoot his gun by putting
his hand at an odd angle to use the broken digits. But the breaking of
the fingers is so graphic and sadistic that only a masochist could find
As far as the acting goes,
the only thing Owen adds is that he needs a shave. Every second Giamatti
was on the screen was excruciating. As for Bellucci, they must have been
looking for the worst actress available, and they found her.
If it is intended as a
satire, it fails. If it isn’t it is a grotesque disgrace.
September 9, 2007