Dirty (0/10)

by Tony Medley

When my F’ing guest and I left this F’ing screening, we both said almost the same F’ing thing almost F’ing simultaneously, “I F’ing feel like I need a F’ing shower.” This profane, violent MFing movie is so F’ing bad that the only F’ing emotion it elicited in me was F’ing boredom. The “f” and “mf” words are used approximately every other second. Not only is the F’ing movie a F’ing attack on the F’ing LAPD and all the MFers in it, it is terminally F’ing racist, showing all African-American MFers and Hispanic MFers as nothing more than F’ing foul-mouthed, F’ing drug dealing thug MFers.

It is so F’ing disjointed and amateurishly F’ingly written that it could F’ing pass as F’ing farce, and may at some F’ing time in the dim, distant F’ing future. I can’t F’ing imagine, however, any MFer spending the F’ing money to preserve it that F’ing long.

This F’ing movie is a rough MFer. And it’s F’ing sloppy, too. It starts out with MFing policeman Amando Sancho, played by MFer Clifton F’ing Collins Jr. looking at himself in the F’ing mirror. We can F’ing read what his F’ing tattoo says in the F’ing mirror. If the F’ing tattoo were properly F’ing applied, we wouldn’t be able to F’ing read the MFer. So the F’ing tattoo he is F’ing wearing in that F’ing scene would be F’ing unreadable to any MFer who looked at him head F’ing on because it would be F’ing backwards.

Sancho and his F’ing partner, Salim F’ing Day, played by the MFer Cuba F’ing Gooding Jr., who won a F’ing Oscar for saying “Give Me The F’ing Money!” to that MFer Tom Cruise, are bad MF’ing cops who are out to make a F’ing score. They work for bad MFers in the MF’ing LAPD. All the MFers in this movie are bad F’ing dudes, which Chris F’ing Fisher, the MF’ing dude who F’ing directed it, says was F’ing inspired by the F’ing Rampart scandal in the F’ing LAPD.

Unfortunately it is so biased that it doesn’t inspire the outrage that Fisher obviously  intended. While there may be bad cops still in the LAPD, the corruption shown here permeating the entire department went out of  style around 1938 when, in a recall, the reform-minded Fletcher Bowron defeated the corrupt Mayor Frank Shaw, whose brother, Joe, had almost unchecked power over the police department.  Bowron, forced the retirement of 45 high-ranking LAPD officers and appointed Arthur Hohmann in 1939 as the chief and the reformation of the most corrupt police department in the country was on its way.

There is no doubt that what happened at Rampart was bad, but it was due to a few rogue cops. A movie about that could contribute to a better police force. But the film  Fisher directed is so over the top, so profane, so outlandish, that it pictures the entire LAPD as something akin to the Nazi S.A. run by Ernst Roehm (whom Adolph Hitler killed in a purge in 1934).

But, in fact, lots of the stuff you heard about Rampart wasn’t true. Only recently, three who had been unjustly accused were awarded $15 million for the false allegations against them.

Aptly F’ing titled, this is a dirty F’ing movie, one that F’ing stains every Mfer involved, including any F’ing audience that stays to F’ing watch the whole F’ing thing, which I had to F’ing do.

February 6, 2006