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Beerfest (0/10)

by Tony Medley

I hate to spend any more time on this over and above the time I spent driving to the screening, sitting through it, and driving home. When we arrived for the screening I asked the running time and was told 80 minutes, so I got excited. Unfortunately, like Bogey in “Casablanca,” I was misinformed. It went on and on and on.

I’m not even going to try to relate the plot, it is so insipid. Satire is one thing. Stupidity is something else again. I didn’t think I could see anything this stupid that didn’t have Will Ferrell in it. I was mistaken. “Beerfest” makes “Talladega Nights” look like Hamlet. Even the occasional big-bosomed bare-breasted babe didn’t add any enticement.

How can I describe this? Picture yourself watching beer commercials. Now picture yourself watching all the jerks in the beer commercials while they live their lives over an entire movie. Now picture that movie lasting around one hour forty-five minutes. Now picture yourself still alive with a still fully functioning brain after enduring that agony. If you can picture the last, you believe in miracles.

I can’t remember a year when there have been as many horrible movies. “Beerfest” is the poster child for them.

August 24, 2006