The Haunted Mansion (5/10)

This is the second movie this year by Disney based on a Theme Park ride. The first was Pirates of the Caribbean. Both suffer from the same faults, all fluff, little substance.

Jim Evers (Eddie Murphy) is a real estate agent in partnership with his wife, Sara (Marsha Thompson), who is a dead ringer for the fiancé of Master Gracey (Nathaniel Parker), who died several centuries ago. Gracey calls Sara to invite her to visit his mansion, which he says he’s selling, and asks her to come alone, obviously with ulterior motives. Sara doesn’t want to go, thinking Jim is devoting too much time to the business and not enough to the family, but he insists they stop by on the way to a family outing. Instead of coming alone, as requested, Jim and her two children, Megan (Aree Davis) and Michael (Marc John Jefferies), accompany her, irritating Gracey and his major domo, Ramsley (Terence Stamp).

After arrival, they get trapped inside and all sorts of things happen to them, like skeletons coming alive, and getting trapped in secret passages, and a head in a bowl that talks. Amazingly, nobody gets scared, not Jim, not Sara, and not Megan or Michael. Well, it’s not very scary, although Ramsley’s kind of creepy.

Unfortunately, it’s not very funny, either. It’s got all the prosaic, standard scares of the genre. Maybe Abbot and Costello could have made it more enjoyable. This cast doesn’t cut the mustard.

Murphy has become a major disappointment. After a couple of good films at the start of his career, 48 Hours (1982), and Beverly Hills Cop (1984), he hasn’t done much since that I’ve liked (remember I Spy?). All he contributes here is a nice smile.

Disney demeans the art of filmmaking by using films to bolster attendance at their theme parks. This film is such a waste.

On the plus side, it’s always a treat for me to see Wallace Shawn, who plays Ezra, a ghost. He’s one of the more entertaining character actors extant. Shawn made his mark with me with his beguiling performance in My Dinner With Andre (1981). I’ve never seen him give anything but a thoroughly professional and enjoyable performance and he keeps his record intact here, although he’s not on the screen much. And Terence Stamp does his usual good job as the lugubrious Ramsley. Stamp is another pro whose talent is wasted in things like this and the execrable My Boss’s Daughter earlier this year, which, if you blinked, you missed.

This isn’t the worst picture I’ve seen this year and I didn’t go to sleep. But it did flunk the watch test, even though the running time is only 82 minutes. I looked at mine innumerable times. I’d suggest you rent My Dinner With Andre instead of spending your money on this. If not, maybe your children will like it.

November 22, 2003

The End

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